Cards for a Cure

Hola hilarious amigos!!

I am currently selling Cards for a Cure on my photo blog! 

IF you are interested in finding a cool way to donate to society during this holiday season, please purchase cards HERE!!

I can put ANYTHING you want on the inside of the cards, including funny, cute, romantic, religious, spiritual, or inapropro, I don't care, as long as you are donating to a GREAT CAUSE!!

<3 CHARLOTTE!!

What My Mom Tried to Teach me About Organization

Dear Mom, I know you love me and want the best for me, and I appreciate it. You have dedicated the last 22 years and 1 month and 25 days of your life to teach me to lead an organized lifestyle. You are more dedicated to this cause than any other cause I have ever seen you fight for in your life. And I appreciate it. One of my favorite things about our relationship is that  you have accepted that although you may tell me things over and over and over again (pick up your clothes off the floor), until I look it up on Wikipedia or Google and decide that it is a good idea for myself, I will for the most part, choose not to hear your words.  I'm really sorry for this Mom, but I really do appreciate your understanding of my generations inexplicable trust and preference in the advice of strangers from Japan and New Jersey over your personal life experiences. Please believe me when I say that this is not my fault.

I will admit that had I heeded your warning about picking up my clothes, I might not have ended up with 140 flea bites from head to toe, but I guess that being miserably itchy for a month is something everyone has to go through before they will even come close to admitting that their mother may have actually been right about the whole respecting your possessions thing.  I still say it was the cats' fault. I hate cats. Anyways mom, this is one of these times when I found the internet to explain to me, how to organize my life. As I read the article on HGTV.com by Fran Harris (www.franharris.com), I felt a familiarity with the words. Only after, did I realize that it was because I spent the first 18 years of my life hearing them. Mom, if you had only been a bit wittier, and sent them to me in an e-mail or on facebook, maybe I would have understood what you were trying to say then. Nonetheless, the following are three rules that I would like to share with my generation. You guys! THIS STUFF MAKES SENSE! (Again, these are Fran Harris's Rules, I just have something to say about them)

"Home Rule #1: Everything Has Its Optimal Place
Newspapers don't belong on top of the refrigerator or on the floor by the front door. Earrings don't belong on the counter by the stove. Decide where things should go and start putting them there today."
You'd think this would make so much sense. I've been half living in my own studio for about a month now, and my clutter looks good, and for the life of me, I haven't been able to figure out WHY THE HELL MY CRAP LOOKS CUTE when it has looked like CRAP my WHOLE LIFE??? This is why.
Charlotte's addendum Rule: If you like to read, spread the love and give books away after you finish them or if they have cool spines, get more bookcases. The order that you place your books can be pleasing to the eye. TAKE OFF USED TEXTBOOK STICKERS.


"Home Rule #2: Put Things in Their Place Immediately aka the Ice Cream Rule
If you walk into your house with a pint of ice cream, you don't leave it on the counter for an hour, do you? No. It goes in the freezer now, or you'll be sorry later. Apply the "ice cream rule” to everything in your house and life. Doing so will minimize the likelihood of creating a cluttered living space."
 Anyone who knows me knows that my main/favorite food group is ice cream. All I had to do was read "The ice Cream Rule" and I immediately understood this. Mom, why didn't you just tell me you were instating an Ice Cream Rule? Although claiming money found in the laundry was a good way to get me to clean out my pockets to avoid another great purple crayon debacle of '95, you should really have just put all of my things left around the house in the freezer.
Charlotte's addendum Rule: If you do not put ice cream right away, the ice cream waste monster (me) will FIND IT AND EAT IT. If you can't respect the ice cream, you don't deserve the creamy frozen goodness.

"Home Rule #3: Alert the Troops
Make sure everyone in the house knows about the new organization system so that your hard work and commitment aren't in vain. It may take a while for the new system to catch on but don't worry.
For more on Fran, visit www.FranHarris.com."
I will say Mom, there were an awful lot of "Okay, we are going to start being organized in this house!!!" announcements on Saturday mornings, maybe too many. When I hypothetically misplace my pay check and I was a few days away from paying my speeding ticket, (it was at work safe in my locker) I decided right then and there that it was time to get organized.
Charlotte's addemdum Rule: If you hide money in your kids'?boyfriends/girlfriends/siblings/roommates messes, it might make them clean up faster. Fewer announcements for you and less protesting from them. It's really a win-win, don't you think?

In epic conclusion, I would like to say that I feel that this Fran Harris really is one smart cookie. I would also like to say that my mother is an incredibly genius woman who, bless her heart, never gave up (to this day) on getting her household organized. It is one of the longest wars on terror I have ever heard of, and she battles on every day. So finally, to my mother, GO YOU! I've never seen you defeated before and I don't intend to see it now.

and to everyone else, good luck bros <3

Charlotte's 10 Minute Stint with Motivational Speaking

So if any of you were wondering, rain and laptops don't go together very well, hence my absence from the blogging world. I apologize. I know how much you all missed me, especially since the majority of you read this every week because of the link I so graciously post on your facebook wall. This weeks topic- things getting worse before they get better. This story ends with a bartender promising not to cut of his Santa beard if a petition is signed by 3,000 people (aka it gets good. stick with me here )

So this tale begins with Relay for Life- celebrating birthdays. yay! it was super fun and I can't really make jokes about cancer so NEXT

The morning after relay for life (did i mention that it poured rain all night?) my computer woke up in a hot sweat aka a puddle and that was pretty much the end of that. Now, I don't know if you've ever had your computer die from external circumstances, had your phone flushed down a toilet, had your phone contacts deleted, lost your computer and or phone in the library/coffee shop/anywhere on campus/bedroom/under your covers, forgotten your very important password to anything, or broken and/or lost your charger to either of these things, but I have. and it's the worst when it happens five times a day and it's raining outside and you can't even be mad because you were fighting cancer when it happened so you're morally obligated to not regret being there.

So I took my computer to the Geniuses at Apple and they told me that they couldn't fix it. I had previously retrieved needed materials and had everything needed for my senior project, applying for jobs, and most of my photo files. I had even backed up my entire computer (for the first time ever) the week before that. I was fine and there was no problem with this computer being ruined minus the money lost.

But what do I do when the Genius tells me he has to send it out for a week? I fully BURST out into tears, almost spitting on him and heaving uncontrollably. Now I don't know if you have ever been to the Genius Bar at Apple, but the boys who work there are not exactly the warm fuzzy don't-worry-everything-will-turn-out-alright kind of people that one might desire to be around when having an emotional breakdown. my mind told me I was going crazy and his face told me I had giant human-flesh-eating spiders crawling all over my body.

In the end, it all worked out just fine, I have no computer, but I have everything that I needed from my computer and I'm making it work via alternate sources (boyfriends computer). I am also discovering what it's like to not be tied to my computer at all times WEIRD.

Anyways, if you get a chance, go give Ryan at the apple store in San Luis Obispo a hug and scare the crap out of him with your expression of human emotion. Thats all for now. <3

hola! List of things that make me feel better about my life:

My ethnic studies research has taught me that compared to about 79% of the world, i have nothing to complain about. But it just seems so easy to find SOMEthing. This is my list of things that occur in my mind periodically to shut up the complainy janey.

1.) The only thing I need "Intervention" from is watching too much Intervention.
2.) I am not snooki.
3.) I (along with a majority of americans) have the innate ability to stay calm in any given situation, compared to Kate of kate + 8.
4.) Even if nobody else is willing to recognize it, I have recently been made aware via a spam email, that my artistic abilities are appreciated, even if it is by a spammy computer.
5.) I currently do not have to work 9-5 (I can't decide whether this is a good thing or not)
6.) Although I have no zero ZILCH doctors within 200 miles of me that take my medical insurance, that's not the point. The point is that i do infact have medical insurance (thanks mom).
7.) I am not famous. Although fame and fortune is the only thing i really want in life (as most of you know), I would rather have it when I am successful and a non-failure/living out of boxes with a bunch of gross icky boys (love you guys!) that I can pretty much say whatever I want about because none of them have the attention span/interest to read this far into any post.
8.)I am not a fortune 500 CEO or FAO or LMAO or whatever the new abbreviation for CEO is. I do NOT want to be on "Boss Undercover" and i do NOT want to have all those people and guilt on my conscience.
9.) I OWN A CAMERA! If you are a photo-y person, you understand the limitation that lack of camera creates. I have creative liberties over my own life. It's fabulous.
10.) As long as I keep walking from my work to my car everyday, I will most likely not become an obese American.
11.) Thats mostly it, i forgot what else I was going to say.

"LOVE YA MEAN IT BYEEE!"- cady, mean Girls

I Try to Defend My Domino's Pizza Addiction

NO SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. LOOK AT WHAT WAS LEFT AT MY DOORSTEP THIS MORNING! (Ironically before Domino's was even open. TEASE.) Domino's is finally rewarding me for my addiction. I've seriously never been happier in my life. I just want you all to know that on Saturday I got in a fender bender on my way to Domino's and it was 100% worth it. I'll try to explain.

My obsession began with La Canada High School's improper sale of day/week old DELICIOUS microwaved Domino's Pizza. This pizza was the kind of pizza that stuck out horizontally like a board when you held it by the crust. It was the kind of pizza on which the cheese had disintegrated because it had been microwaved and then not sold four days in a row. This pizza, was great pizza, and at $2.50 a slice, it was the greatest investment in the cafeteria at La Canada High School.

TIME OUT:
Dear dad, that $20/week you gave me for school lunches looked a little like this:
$2.50-cardboard questionably edible pizza
OR
$2.50- Organic 90% grease, microwaved in the plastic wrapper Posada Chimichanga (now bought in packs of 40 for $10 FYI)
$2.00- Organic Slice Orange Soda (nomnomnomnom)
--------------------
TOTAL:
$12.50 +10= That's why you gave me an extra $5 every Friday. Thanks Dad.

TIME IN:
So back to blaming La Canada High School for my Domino's addiction. The best days were the days when they still had Garlic Bread pizza slices, which they sold as real pizza. I explain this because when Laura McQuay, Katie Applebaum, and I would order Pizza on Friday afternoons (in the early years) from Domino's (RIP 818 952 2020) it was real pizza. Let's compare:

Option 1: Cardboard pizza nibbled on by hungry lunch ladies and rats

Option 2: Hot Juicy Domino's Pizza delivered straight from the oven

UHM. i'll take option 2 thank you very much. This then meant that Domino's Pizza ordered from 818 952 2020 was THE GREATEST PIZZA EVER. Sadly, the dream was ended in late 2006 when the Applebaum Family forced us (now Azure Pallay, Breanne Hoke and still Katie) to open our eyes to the pizza-y goodness of Pizza Cuchina- basically gourmet pizza with weird fancy ingredients like artichoke hearts and anchovies and stuff like that, that Katie's parents so kindly donated to our stomachs (aka we didn't have to pay for it until college). Upon our (me and Breanne Spring Break 2009) return to Domino's with the 5 5 5 deal, we had been spoiled for three long years with gourmet Pizza and wouldn't know a good pizza if it slapped us across the college gut.

Thus began the Domino's drought. Domino's Pizza was nowhere to be found in or around our mouths for two long years. From the free Pizza Cuchina spoiling to the mixed messages that were being flung at us from every direction about the black hole that could be found inside a Domino's Pizza box, we saw our loyalties slipping away....until recently.

Now, many people still think Domino's is a pile of crap. My response is, compared to WHAT? (Credit marcel the shell) After seeing those commercials with the cheese coming out of the cow udder and being applied directly to the pizza in the field, and a claim to a new even more chemically altered and delicious recipe than before, who can argue that Domino's didn't get their act together? Not only do they cheese their pizzas in the field, but there are a myriad of other benefits that accompanies Domino's loyalties. As follows.

1.) Every time you Click on a Domino's ad online, it tells Domino's that you like them. Soon, you have Domino's.com online ad access on every single web page, myspace, facebook, twitter, overpriced flowers, job search, blog, stumble, peopleofwalmart, and catsthatlooklikehitler website you could ever imagine visiting!!! Every time you love it, it makes it that much easier to love. How many things can you say that about in life.

2.) Try visiting Dominos.com and NOT creating your own pizza with their nifty pizza designer. It's impossible. That genius little pizza designer, full with pictures, various crusts, and sizes, and every topping you could ever imagine allows you to order your pizza online, and then stare at the image for the 28 minutes that it takes to be delivered to your house. Which brings me to my next point.

3.) Domino's Pizza Tracker on their website allows you to not only help to conceive your pizza but then watch it as it grows from some silly dough and raw meat into a wonderful adolescent pizza that can walk and talk. He'll be all grown up and in a box just fit for him so don't blink! it'll be over before you know it.

4.) Staring at a flat picture of something for 28 minutes makes the real thing orgasmically good.

5.) I don't know if this is subconsciously drilled into my brain (probably) or if I stole it from another commercial (most likely) but i stand by this statement. This is NOT your mama's pizza crust.

ETC...

IN CONCLUSION, my challenge to all of you is as follows.

1. Try to order Domino's online and don't watch the process of it being made and delivered to you. (good luck)
2. Try taking a bit of Domino's new pizza and not moaning.
3. Finally, I challenge you to not speak ill of assembly-line-style pizza monopolies until you have tried one of their perfectly chemically balanced confections.

After all, our generation is one of unique generalizations, overly generic creativity, and weaklings to the commercialism that surrounds us every second of every day. Why fight it.

<3 Charlotte

The Day I Got Rejected From Grad School

The Day I Got Rejected From Grad School (that's today) I decided that I'm going to stop trying to be academic since I'm horrible at it even when I try and it costs way too much money. Instead, I'm going to spend my life telling everybody else how funny I am. Just so you know, I'm pretty hilarious. to myself. So the plan now is to write here and entertain whomever so chooses to read this while simultaneously becoming ridiculously rich and famous because of my "unique outlook on life."

ULTIMATE GOAL: Have people pay to listen to me talk about myself for an hour and a half two to three times a week.

OTHER ULTIMATE GOAL: Get to play the part of a dead body on CSI to creep everybody out.

FINAL ULTIMATE GOAL: Not let this blog turn into a whine-fest because nobody except my boyfriend and my semi-sympathetic parents will listen to me complain about how the world is not fair.

P.S. ULTIMATE GOAL: Convince Domino's Pizza to advertise on my future website because they planted a cookie in my computer so now I only see Domino's Pizza ads when I go online because I click on them too much already because I love pizza. Come on. Who can pass up the $5 carry out lunch time deal. Seriously.

YOUR PROMISE TO ME: If I ever become completely unfunny to everyone except myself, will someone please tell me? but only if it's EVERYONE.

With these three goals in mind, I have decided that the next step in trying to accomplish anything in life is to make a list of things that I have an opinion about that can be translated into giggles.

LIST OF THINGS THAT I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THAT CAN BE TRANSLATED INTO GIGGLES:
cowboys
Sarah Palin
Kate Plus 8 (LOVE THEM)
how great gay people are
motivational speakers
Glee-overRATED
bragging about knowing famous people
self-proclaimed liberals
being a minister's daughter
girl scouts
Episcopalians
bowling class
sororities (see? you already laughed)
hating sororities
loving sororities
one night stands
parents (sorry ahead of time, but our family did some crazy stuff and the world should probably know)
being white
telling other people they are white
failing school and graduating with a 2.5
coffee
california ego
norcal vs socal
studying abroad in spain
being an orientation leader in an unnamed program
rejection
(boys)
(school)
(jobs)
(other girls)
(sales people)
being messy
my Pixar Generation
being a bitch, but not mean enough
American History
nerds
spoiled kids
rent
roommates
college tours
getting drunk
teachers
pale people
tan people
people who feel like they are completely average and live in the middle their whole lives
tests
being self-centered
cost-co hot dogs (i dont get it)
not being artistic
job searching
graduating
the thought of having children
procrastination
acting like a child
Disneyland
Wildflower (volunteering in large grous/ spending too much time with your friends)
boyfriends with the same name
knowing that I am a princess
amateur and female comics who are not funny (most of us)
too much time on the internet
facebook to different generations
BRING BACK MYSPACE!!
documenting our lives
being broke
being lazy
owing other people money
being second best aka not as good as ONE other person in the world who happens to have similar interests to me. COME ON.

I'm losing inspiration so if anybody can think of any other reasons that my life is a joke, please let me know and I will add it to my list of ideas that I will attempt to cover in my material for the next 20 years (old comics are funny too).

I love you all.
thanks to patrick, david, kevin, the bowling team that we beat in the CLUTCH today who made me hysterical and crazy and the people from graduate school who rejected me. I dedicate all my future success and joy to you.