NO SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. LOOK AT WHAT WAS LEFT AT MY DOORSTEP THIS MORNING! (Ironically before Domino's was even open. TEASE.) Domino's is finally rewarding me for my addiction. I've seriously never been happier in my life. I just want you all to know that on Saturday I got in a fender bender on my way to Domino's and it was 100% worth it. I'll try to explain.
My obsession began with La Canada High School's improper sale of day/week old DELICIOUS microwaved Domino's Pizza. This pizza was the kind of pizza that stuck out horizontally like a board when you held it by the crust. It was the kind of pizza on which the cheese had disintegrated because it had been microwaved and then not sold four days in a row. This pizza, was great pizza, and at $2.50 a slice, it was the greatest investment in the cafeteria at La Canada High School.
TIME OUT:
Dear dad, that $20/week you gave me for school lunches looked a little like this:
$2.50-cardboard questionably edible pizza
OR
$2.50- Organic 90% grease, microwaved in the plastic wrapper Posada Chimichanga (now bought in packs of 40 for $10 FYI)
$2.00- Organic Slice Orange Soda (nomnomnomnom)
--------------------
TOTAL:
$12.50 +10= That's why you gave me an extra $5 every Friday. Thanks Dad.
TIME IN:
So back to blaming La Canada High School for my Domino's addiction. The best days were the days when they still had Garlic Bread pizza slices, which they sold as real pizza. I explain this because when Laura McQuay, Katie Applebaum, and I would order Pizza on Friday afternoons (in the early years) from Domino's (RIP 818 952 2020) it was real pizza. Let's compare:
Option 1: Cardboard pizza nibbled on by hungry lunch ladies and rats
Option 2: Hot Juicy Domino's Pizza delivered straight from the oven
UHM. i'll take option 2 thank you very much. This then meant that Domino's Pizza ordered from 818 952 2020 was THE GREATEST PIZZA EVER. Sadly, the dream was ended in late 2006 when the Applebaum Family forced us (now Azure Pallay, Breanne Hoke and still Katie) to open our eyes to the pizza-y goodness of Pizza Cuchina- basically gourmet pizza with weird fancy ingredients like artichoke hearts and anchovies and stuff like that, that Katie's parents so kindly donated to our stomachs (aka we didn't have to pay for it until college). Upon our (me and Breanne Spring Break 2009) return to Domino's with the 5 5 5 deal, we had been spoiled for three long years with gourmet Pizza and wouldn't know a good pizza if it slapped us across the college gut.
Thus began the Domino's drought. Domino's Pizza was nowhere to be found in or around our mouths for two long years. From the free Pizza Cuchina spoiling to the mixed messages that were being flung at us from every direction about the black hole that could be found inside a Domino's Pizza box, we saw our loyalties slipping away....until recently.
Now, many people still think Domino's is a pile of crap. My response is, compared to WHAT? (Credit marcel the shell) After seeing those commercials with the cheese coming out of the cow udder and being applied directly to the pizza in the field, and a claim to a new even more chemically altered and delicious recipe than before, who can argue that Domino's didn't get their act together? Not only do they cheese their pizzas in the field, but there are a myriad of other benefits that accompanies Domino's loyalties. As follows.
1.) Every time you Click on a Domino's ad online, it tells Domino's that you like them. Soon, you have Domino's.com online ad access on every single web page, myspace, facebook, twitter, overpriced flowers, job search, blog, stumble, peopleofwalmart, and catsthatlooklikehitler website you could ever imagine visiting!!! Every time you love it, it makes it that much easier to love. How many things can you say that about in life.
2.) Try visiting Dominos.com and NOT creating your own pizza with their nifty pizza designer. It's impossible. That genius little pizza designer, full with pictures, various crusts, and sizes, and every topping you could ever imagine allows you to order your pizza online, and then stare at the image for the 28 minutes that it takes to be delivered to your house. Which brings me to my next point.
3.) Domino's Pizza Tracker on their website allows you to not only help to conceive your pizza but then watch it as it grows from some silly dough and raw meat into a wonderful adolescent pizza that can walk and talk. He'll be all grown up and in a box just fit for him so don't blink! it'll be over before you know it.
4.) Staring at a flat picture of something for 28 minutes makes the real thing orgasmically good.
5.) I don't know if this is subconsciously drilled into my brain (probably) or if I stole it from another commercial (most likely) but i stand by this statement. This is NOT your mama's pizza crust.
ETC...
IN CONCLUSION, my challenge to all of you is as follows.
1. Try to order Domino's online and don't watch the process of it being made and delivered to you. (good luck)
2. Try taking a bit of Domino's new pizza and not moaning.
3. Finally, I challenge you to not speak ill of assembly-line-style pizza monopolies until you have tried one of their perfectly chemically balanced confections.
After all, our generation is one of unique generalizations, overly generic creativity, and weaklings to the commercialism that surrounds us every second of every day. Why fight it.
<3 Charlotte
