The Day I Got Rejected From Grad School

The Day I Got Rejected From Grad School (that's today) I decided that I'm going to stop trying to be academic since I'm horrible at it even when I try and it costs way too much money. Instead, I'm going to spend my life telling everybody else how funny I am. Just so you know, I'm pretty hilarious. to myself. So the plan now is to write here and entertain whomever so chooses to read this while simultaneously becoming ridiculously rich and famous because of my "unique outlook on life."

ULTIMATE GOAL: Have people pay to listen to me talk about myself for an hour and a half two to three times a week.

OTHER ULTIMATE GOAL: Get to play the part of a dead body on CSI to creep everybody out.

FINAL ULTIMATE GOAL: Not let this blog turn into a whine-fest because nobody except my boyfriend and my semi-sympathetic parents will listen to me complain about how the world is not fair.

P.S. ULTIMATE GOAL: Convince Domino's Pizza to advertise on my future website because they planted a cookie in my computer so now I only see Domino's Pizza ads when I go online because I click on them too much already because I love pizza. Come on. Who can pass up the $5 carry out lunch time deal. Seriously.

YOUR PROMISE TO ME: If I ever become completely unfunny to everyone except myself, will someone please tell me? but only if it's EVERYONE.

With these three goals in mind, I have decided that the next step in trying to accomplish anything in life is to make a list of things that I have an opinion about that can be translated into giggles.

LIST OF THINGS THAT I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THAT CAN BE TRANSLATED INTO GIGGLES:
cowboys
Sarah Palin
Kate Plus 8 (LOVE THEM)
how great gay people are
motivational speakers
Glee-overRATED
bragging about knowing famous people
self-proclaimed liberals
being a minister's daughter
girl scouts
Episcopalians
bowling class
sororities (see? you already laughed)
hating sororities
loving sororities
one night stands
parents (sorry ahead of time, but our family did some crazy stuff and the world should probably know)
being white
telling other people they are white
failing school and graduating with a 2.5
coffee
california ego
norcal vs socal
studying abroad in spain
being an orientation leader in an unnamed program
rejection
(boys)
(school)
(jobs)
(other girls)
(sales people)
being messy
my Pixar Generation
being a bitch, but not mean enough
American History
nerds
spoiled kids
rent
roommates
college tours
getting drunk
teachers
pale people
tan people
people who feel like they are completely average and live in the middle their whole lives
tests
being self-centered
cost-co hot dogs (i dont get it)
not being artistic
job searching
graduating
the thought of having children
procrastination
acting like a child
Disneyland
Wildflower (volunteering in large grous/ spending too much time with your friends)
boyfriends with the same name
knowing that I am a princess
amateur and female comics who are not funny (most of us)
too much time on the internet
facebook to different generations
BRING BACK MYSPACE!!
documenting our lives
being broke
being lazy
owing other people money
being second best aka not as good as ONE other person in the world who happens to have similar interests to me. COME ON.

I'm losing inspiration so if anybody can think of any other reasons that my life is a joke, please let me know and I will add it to my list of ideas that I will attempt to cover in my material for the next 20 years (old comics are funny too).

I love you all.
thanks to patrick, david, kevin, the bowling team that we beat in the CLUTCH today who made me hysterical and crazy and the people from graduate school who rejected me. I dedicate all my future success and joy to you.