Chicken with a side of Try Not to Get Jalapeno in my Eye

Today's adventure is called, Cilantro Lime Slow Cooker Chicken. I am calling it, Chicken with a side of Try not to get jalapeno in my Eye.

So today I made what I believe is officially called Cilantro Lime Slow Cooker Chicken, but you know, whatever. I'll cut the (awesome) commentary and skip to the ingredients:

Ingredients from recipe that I lost:

((get Santa Barbara Salsa medium in the dairy aisle, if you should be so lucky. ))

-1 24 oz jar of medium or mild salsa

OR

-1 red onion, 4 tomatoes, ½ c fresh cilantro, 3 cloves/ spoon fulls of minced garlic, 1 lime, 1 tomatillo, ½ of a jalapeno, salt to taste

-Juice from one lime

-1/4 cup fresh cilantro

-one 1.25 package of taco seasoning

-2 finely chopped jalapeno peppers

Ok so since a lot of the ingredients from the salsa and the slow cooker are the same, these are the ingredients that I actually used:

-1 red onion (1/3 in separate bowl, we'll call it Other Bowl)

-4 tomaties diced/cubed

-1 to 2 tomatoes for Other Bowl later

-3 spoonfuls of minced garlic/ chop 3 cloves of garlic and have smelly fingers. (½ a spoonful to Other Bowl)

-one bushel of cilantro chopped (pretty strong flavor, 1/3 C in Other Bowl , big handful into the crock pot, find somewhere else for the rest (I found the trash can).

-1 package of taco seasoning (okay, so I folded on the store bought creole seasoning, and I'm doing it again. I know it doesn't make much sense to go through all the effort to make my own salsa but then use all the chemicals in taco seasoning but I haven't found any good pre-made salsa in Pennsylvania in the grocery stores. I have no other excuse.)

-3 finely chopped jalapenos (quarter peppers, 2 chopped quarters go to Other Bowl, see notes below)

-1 real big chicken breast, cubed.

Directions:

Step 1. Dice tomatoes, onions, cilantro and chicken and throw them into the Slow Cooker/ Other Bowl as designated above.

Step 2. Add Taco seasoning.

Step 3. Add garlic to Crock Pot and Other Bowl.

Step 4. Cut the lime into 8 wedges. One wedge can be squeezed into Other Bowl, and the rest can be squeezed into the Crock Pot.

Step 5. Jalapenos: Now, as I have researched a bit, it is not wise to touch jalapenos and then touch your eyes. As I am an eternal eye rubber, I was quite worried about this one. Once time I got Icy Hot in my eye, it was 10 times worse than it sounds. First it was icy, and then it was miserably hot. I figure jalapenos can only be worse. I made sure to only touch the peppers with my left hand. I cut them into quarters and then used a regular old spoon to scoop out the middle part and the seeds. I was surprised that the inside looks just like a regular red or green pepper! Except I knew that I would be blinded for life if I touched my face, so it was overall a terrifying experience. I will say, that the worst of it was when I was scooping out the center of the second to last piece, something wet went from the pepper to my nose. I basically had a heart attack. So maybe wear safety goggles for this one kids. After I chopped the peppers, put 2 quarters in the Other Bowl, and the rest in the slow cooker, I washed my hands with dish soap. My last recommendation on this task is, when nobody is looking, huddle in the corner and if you lightly lick your fingers, you can tell if you missed any spots from the pepper juice. I missed my thumb, so I went back and re-washed, giving my nails and cuticles a nice little massage. It was wonderful.

Step 6. I mixed everything together in the crock pot, I figure it might be good to get all that icky taco seasoning spread around the other ingredients. Then I turned the Crock Pot on low at noon and walked away.

Step 7. Dice 1-3 more tomatoes and throw them in the Other Bowl (depending on how you like your salsa) and put the bowl in the fridge to marinate for later...i already stole a taste- YUMM!

So What Happened? WELL, no offense to my boyfriend who will eat almost anything and gobbled this entire dish up, but this recipe was a DISASTA!!!! There was so much acidity from the tomatoes. A million tomatoes is worse than one. I think next time maybe just put one tomato and some apples and honey. Probably at least two limes since I could barely taste the lime at all, and you know that cilantro that I threw in my trash? Shoulda put it in the Crock Pot. FAIL. 

Other Mistakes: I cut up the chicken. I should not have. The jalapenos I was worried about, I should not have been. I also should have added chili powder because the dish was not spicy, at all. If I had gotten jalapeno in my eye and then the food wasn't even spicy, I don't even know what I would have done. Probably thrown out my Crock Pot for life.

Recipe I Would Have Done (but if you follow it, you can't get mad at me since I didn't actually make this one):

-1 red onion (all in Crock Pot)

-2 diced tomaties (all in Crock Pot)

-1 diced apple (I'm thinking the sweeter the better, all in Crock Pot)

-3 tablespoons of Honey

-3 spoonfuls of minced garlic/ chop 3 cloves of garlic and have smelly fingers. (all in Crock Pot)

-1 bushel of cilantro chopped (all in Crock Pot, maybe a little if you also want to make salsa)

-1 package of taco seasoning (into the Crock Pot, even though I HATE instant stuff, I think this saved the recipe from above)

-5 finely chopped jalapenos (all in Crock Pot)

-1 can of black beans OR (is your mind ready to be blown?) if you simply put healthier and less processed dried black beans into the Crock Pot for 8 hours they will cook through. Best kept cooking secret. Right there. Nobody even told me. I felt so left out the first time it worked.

-2 whole chicken breast

-salt, pepper, chili pepper (LOTS OF EACH!)

-maybe a little water (depending on how dry the Crock Pot is whenever you check on it)

I would also serve it over rice instead of in tortillas like we did.

So all in all, not my greatest kitchen masterpiece. Luckily I am dating a guy who will literally eat almost anything and thinks that everything except coconut is delicious. What more could I want, seriously. ( Sorry, no pictures because it was such a mess, I was distracted.)

That's all for now, Charlotte