Why I will Most Likely be Opperating on a Cash Basis in the Forseable Future

(This blog is dedicated to my one and only Banker for life, KA.)

1.) Simple expectations that I have for my bank:

1. Follow through. If you say that you are going to provide a specific purpose, like make a calendar to budget from, do it. Don't make me sign up for a bunch of other crap just to use a calendar. If you do this, I will print out a calendar on google images and use that on a piece of paper instead. It will be prettier that way anyways.
2. Spell my name right. Not only is this rude as a general person ( my name is not worth being spelled right?), it is also crappy customer service, and I automatically think less of anyone who spells my name wrong after looking at my drivers license. Besides me being picky about this, there are legal issues involved. Bottom line: I would appreciate if my bank spelled my name correctly.
3. Give me my money. I appreciate that there are certain non-FDIC regulations that your company chooses to follow in terms of holding checks. I disagree with the extent of many of them and thus, this makes the list.
4. Don't use my social security number as a customer ID number. That's it. Don't do it. That's like asking me to tell you out loud what color my underwear is before I can deposit a check into my own account. My grandma might read this so I won't continue any further, but you get the point. Furthermore, you never know what Frank Abignale or Leo Decaprio is standing in line (although I wouldn't mind too much if Leo stole my identity. As long as he gave it back.)
5. Be nice to me when I walk into the bank. I would really prefer if, when I walked up to the teller window, I wasn't told that my accounts “are weird.” You gave them to me. Sooo... if they're weird, I guess you can have them back. Oh, except for that one rule that you made about...
6. Don't charge me to close my accounts. Now that I have to pay $75 to close my accounts, which nobody would do in this economy, I will not, and thus I am not happy, and thus, will not be happy when I go into your bank, and thus will be a pain in the butt to everyone who has to deal with me. Why put yourself through that.
7. Don't RUSH me. If I walk in the door 15 minutes before close, to open 4 accounts, man up and do it. I really would apologize that I would be coming in late, but it's accounts for you. Please tell your manager to pull you aside and tell you to rush me though this important decision instead of telling you in front of me. How Mockward...Next time I won't trouble you and I will just leave.

These are the 7 expectations that I have for a bank. I don't ask for any type of interest percentage on my savings account. I don't even ask to be able to pull money from my savings account more than 6 times a month. I can respect certain federal limitations. gObama. Whatever. I also happen to know that many of these rules are guidelines and can be overrode by managers, should I decide to act like the crazy customer that I am on the inside. (Knowing this is probably the one reason that I will continue to keep accounts with a bank. And also to cash checks.) In any case, I will be hunting around for the next 6 months in order to find accounts at a bank that fulfills all of these expectations. I would rather be charged a fee to keep my account open than to jump through hoops like a monkey in a circus. I miss my old bank. At least the staff was hot there. 

2.) I get to make cool paper envelopes to keep all my money in. I found the directions on Pinterest and I can't wait to get started.